I received another dark letter today. His therapist says that this is his way of dealing with stress- he's falling back on the old patterns he used to get me to respond to him. He told me that I should respond with a short note that told him not to write letters like that to me any more. Yikes! That was tough for me to deal with, but I did manage to craft one that I think struck a balance between his advice and my feelings.
"I received your letter today. While I want to make sure you know that you can always be open with me - and I want to know how you are truly feeling - the journal entry you enclosed was pretty dark and dramatic. I realize that this is hard work, but dwelling on your misery is not helpful...it reinforces old ways of thinking. So, while I want to be available to you when you are sad, I would also like to hear about some of things you're proud of - I hear 3rd hand about the respect you've earned and how well you're doing in some many aspects of the program...but would like to hear it from you. It would be helpful for you to verbalize some of those accomplishments; maybe writing them down would help you realize how amazing you are."
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