Tolstoy opened Anna Karenina with the line "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." This is our unhappy family's story.
I have a wonderful, kind, bright, talented son who has been depressed since sixth grade. He never felt that he fit in, and once middle school hit, began selecting friends with similar low self esteem, gravitating to dark music, violent video games, and assuming all the trappings of an alternative-drug-using-lifestyle. By the time he was a sophomore in high school, he had been suspended from school twice, was getting high on a daily basis, and was dealing marijuana to support his habit. His cigarette smoking had created a chronic cough, and he'd woken up twice this month coughing up blood. Two weeks ago, he told me that he wished he was dead, and although he was "safe" for now, would probably commit suicide to end the drama. He refused to return to his therapist, and the school suggested we have him evaluated as an inpatient at the local psychiatric hospital.
Obviously, something needed to be done. Our pediatrician suggested a residential treatment facility for troubled teens. I had heard horrible things about these programs--boot camps and wilderness programs that used extreme measures to convince kids to change their ways--with risk of psychological and physical harm. This program appeared to be different--more therapeutic, with an emphasis on reshaping character through experiences...essentially "re-parenting" the child in a way that we couldn't...providing structure, support, and natural consequences to allow the child to rebuild their self-esteem and establish goals for themselves.
After tears and soul searching, we decided we had no choice but to try. Although the thought of being physically separated from my child for 6-9 months is unbearable, I needed to accept that I could no longer help him. As a mother, the best thing I could do for him was to surrender control of my child to others...and pray that I was making the best decision.
Hopefully this story will have a happy ending.
This is such a heartwrenching decision to have to make. When you know that you can no longer do for your child what needs to be done so that he or she grows up to lead a healthy, productive life. They say it all the time: kids don't come with instruction manuals, and it doesn't matter how much you love your children, they are still their own people, will make their own bad choices. I hope that all of this turns out for your family in the best way possible. My thoughts are and energy are with you.
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